Obey these 11 simple rules and I won’t have road rage

Got this in an email called Obey these 9 11 simple rules and I won’t have road rage, I’ve added some of my own at the end. Warning, some of these have curse words.

1. If you’re in the left lane, and everybody’s passing you on the right, that means you need to get the fuck out of the left lane, genius.

2. If you stop to talk in the store, get your fat ass out of the middle of the aisle. If you don’t, and someone politely says, “Excuse me” to get through, you have no right to look at them like they just shit in your coffee.

3. Walk on the right side of the aisle. Works like a charm, just like they taught you in kindergarten.

4. If you’re stuck in a line of cars behind someone who needs to read rule number one above, but you’re not the poor slob right behind the asshole, tailgating, flashing your high-beams, hitting the horn or giving the finger will not help. The poor slob that’s in front of you can’t go any faster than the shithead in front of him. Chill the fuck out.

5. Hang the fuck up and drive.

6. Four-wheel drive means you can probably get going when it’s snowing. However, it doesn’t mean that you can stop, nor does it give you the right to drive like a fucking maniac and cause problems for people who don’t have four wheel drive.

7. If you’re someone who can’t buy a clue and still has to drive in the left lane all the time because you’re afraid to change lanes, stay the fuck home or ride the damn bus.

8. The next time you cut a corner, rather than turning into your own lane, realize that if you’re in an accident, it will be your fault. More importantly, if you hit someone and you’re not injured in the accident, don’t be surprised if they beat the shit out of you for being stupid.

9. If it’s raining, or snowing, or foggy, or dark, turn your headlights on, and use the low beams. High beams just reflect the fog, blind the other drivers, and prove to the world that you’re a stupid fuck.

10. If you can’t drive the same speed all the time, use the cruise control moron.

11. When you go up the hill, you have to give it more gas to maintain the same speed, otherwise you’re going to have a bunch of pissed off drivers behind you.

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